To Be A Stinson: "12 Reasons I'm Awesome"

I was having lunch today and as the conversation happening across the table was going on (about football), I realized that I don't have much of an interest or talent that is "regular" in society. I don't like, nor am I good at sports really... I don't play a musical instrument very well or a "common" one like guitar or bass... So am I good at anything? That's an entirely unproductive and vain question because immediately upon asking that, someone would say "oh, no you're good at ________" which would be true. Being in the positive mood that I'm (was) in, I came up with some small, yet great things...

And now, to "toot my own horn", as it were:

1) People trust me.
I'm finding the longer I'm here on this earth that people will really tell me anything. Sooner or later, you're caving, just face it. If you don't, the other people who know will tell me...eventually I'll know. I'm very hard to surprise because of this. Kimberly does a pretty good job at it.

2) I don't ask questions that I don't know the answer to.
This is sort of a continuation of the first point. I only ask what I'm almost sure to get a "yes" to or an answer that I already know.

3) I pull off amazing things.
There are way too many stories to post here about how I even amazed myself by getting results from a veritable "crap shoot". Suffice it to say, I can absolutely deliver...when I feel the time's right.

4) When I make the threat, "you don't want my full attention", it's not an empty threat.
I've never had to follow through with this yet, and most people do laugh when I say this. But, I most definitely can focus very hard on something and add my determination to that focus and you have all these character traits pointed at you, and don't forget...I deliver.

5) I'm entertaining.
I'm not about to attempt to tarnish my reputation by trying to entertain you here (out of context), so I'll just tell you that people are happy when we get to work together. I work off of other people and for the most part am in the mood to make the most out of whatever shift I have. I'm very witty and can snap lines back at you very quick.

6) I'm relatively dependable.
The whole reason I insert the word "relatively" is because sometimes in the process of trying to be dependable to everyone, someone suffers. Kimberly has to put up with the results of my absence, but she's so much a part of me now that we have both adapted and try to avoid any potential potholes before we hit them to minimize on disappointments. She, also, for the most part, knows the people I work for and agrees with most of my urgency. This doesn't mean we don't "fight" about it, but it's not really a fight, more of a responsible discussion.

7) I figure things out...fast.
I'm one of the best troubleshooters you've ever met. If I happen to defer an issue its because it's not time sensitive, someone else close by knows better, or the issue requires further research. As far as other things, I operate best in an environment when I know all the rules. I can bend rules that I know, but I can't affect what I don't know.

8) I'm strategic.
I can't play chess worth anything, but as I mentioned above I can operate in an environment of rules that I can bend and manipulate. I can plan and plan and plan and plan...the awesome thing is that I can also execute. Because people like me (for these and other reasons), they're willing to do favors for me and support me.

9) I understand and thoroughly love music.
You'd be pretty hard-pressed to find me lacking an opinion or emotion about music (specific or otherwise). Also, I can completely disengage certain instrument parts pretty easily on a first pass of music which helps me in multiple live sound situations. On top of all this, I love pretty much every form of music (except Polka) which you already knew if you know me. I really do love all music. Hendrix to Spears...try me.

10) I'm loyal and people are loyal to me.
I know my press. Firstly, people tell me frequently what people say about me (which kinda goes hand in hand with #1). But, also, I don't betray people unless provoked (#4) and I am very friendly with people, even and especially with people who hate me. There's nothing like carrying a misunderstanding too far be jumping to immediate hatred. Although I do find that my opinion of other people is somewhat dictated by those I trust most. I will say this, that I blindly trust few people with my life and it's a SHORT list.

11) I'm a great writer.
I can write words to express whatever I'm feeling. I can fabricate some of the best "tribal knowledge" terminology to get the job done or to get my point across. Most people rarely ask me if "that's the actual term or are you making it up" because I do like to pay attention and tie things together in a logical manner. But, either way, read my posts and you tell me. I know I wrote a blog several years ago, frustrated, explaining to my friends and family why I'm at work so much and why it's so worth it to me.

12) Kimberly loves me.
As cliche and last minute as it may seem, I've saved the best for last in this case. Many people don't understand why she's with me (including myself), but I consider it my greatest trait because it says the most about me. She really is the rest of me. She gives me the confidence to fulfill the other 11 things which were just petty reflections of substantial attributes. She is the best part of me, all in all.

I'm sure there's other things I've missed, but it's not meant to be an expression of vanity. It's meant to be a ruler for things to look for in yourself and other people. Some of these things may seem to you, a stretch. But, I assure you that not only do I know myself better than anyone, I am also internally filtering all these statements through many memories of specific instances where these traits manifest themselves. Essentially, to say "trust me, I know how awesome I am."

[kyle]

Book Smart

i wish to read these.
















[kyle]

"Look At What We Can Do"

There's an episode of Sports Night that no matter how many times I watch it, it really gets me excited about being alive right now. There's a few of those shows that speak to me, but every time I see something like the following YouTube video, it reverberates through my mind...

Enjoy!

digital noise

the internet is loud today.

[kyle]

Bad News Looks Like This

Everything was different two days ago. It's interesting when you get to know your future...well, potential future...it makes you start to worry about a lot of "if's" that may or may not really happen. It's making Kimberly sad. She keeps longing for Thursday, before all this happened. We went to a geneticist who informed me that I may have a 50/50 chance of contracting Myotonic Dystrophy (what my dad, sister, nephew, neice, aunt, aunt, grandpa, and cousin all have). That's pretty harrowing. What am I supposed to do with that information right now? I'm healthy (for the most part) right now. Whatever. Anyway, the strangest thing is that I'm not bummed out about it. I'm more worried about Kimberly. The possibility is scaring her. I will say that's one thing that I got from my pops that's been rather useful and cool. My dad never complains. He'll make off-handed comments about how he's doing, "I'm dying...how are you?" and it'll make the room uncomfortable while I just laugh and say, "aren't we all?" He's never said, "God why?" or "How dare this happen to me while I'm still [relatively] young?!?" The man is resolved that the negative thing about his whole disease is the strain it has on my mother and us. Am I going to do the same if I get it? I hope so, because my father deserves as much strength from me as he has had.

Frankly, though, all of this is irrelevant because no one knows their future, and today is Saturday.

[kyle]

New October Resolutions

I've sat out here in blog-land for sometime now and my observations are proving to be astounding. To myself, more than anybody, but alas astounding. Why do people come out here to share their thoughts, feelings, and snippets of life that they discover? Is it rhetorical or do people expect an answer? These generic questions obviously become relative when thinking about this because human nature allows us the opportunity to self-evaluate. Why do I blog? I'm not really sure. It's kind of to share thoughts with the internet and see if anyone responds. On the other hand it's also just to express what I'm thinking somewhere and I don't necessarily care if anyone actually reads or comments on it. So, for me, I suppose it's just rhetorical and partially to become a part in the "web-community" (as it were).

It's an interesting snapshot of someone's life to look at their entries from months or even years ago. I used to look back on mine frequently and ask myself what the heck I was actually thinking when I wrote them. I sounded sad and lost. As I'm now striving to keep on the path that I sat myself down on years ago, I want to use this blog as a benchmark of progress. In my relationship with Kimberly, my family, my friends, and my walk. The last one should be one of difficulty as I'm not the most motivated of individuals, but my resolve is to do something about this. Now, I could do the typical thing and just wait until January 1st and then "resolve" to do something, but you're almost guaranteed failure if you do that because the connotation is that New Year's Resolutions aren't kept.

In a round about sort of way, this is where things are starting. Here in late-October.

[kyle]

Look What Wii Did

If you were a fly on my wall, you'd probably hear (at least once a week) that I think Kimberly is adorable when she's angry. I try not to provoke her, but it's inevitable that it happens (if you know me at all). Since she is (was supposed to be) gone this weekend, I was thinking about a particularly funny incident that happens some months ago that led me to know about a weird habit Kimberly has: she buys expensive crap when she's really mad.

I couldn't even tell you what on earth I had the nerve to piss her off about, but I was (as I usually am when we start these tiffs) at work engrossed in some computer screen or audio console when I said something (via text) completely and utterly insensitive and out-of-line. She abruptly (and for good, good reason) stopped text-ing me back and I "let" her soak in the silence for the rest of my shift. This is so common of me to think that I'm punishing her by not talking. Stupid me.

Upon my arrival at our lovely apartment at the time, I heard some really loud noise coming from the TV and emerged to find the two dwelling women playing Raymond's Raving Rabids for the Wii. Oh yes, she was so angry, and decided to show me, that she went out, spent her own money, and bought the most awesome gaming console of the decade. Ouch.

Of course, this entire story is true and it is written dripping with jest and sarcasm, but it is one of the little, tiny blessings-in-disguise of my wonderful Kimberly, that I love. She gets so pissed off sometimes that she spends money on something epic. I mean, there's thousands of things she could (and probably should) do to me, but she buys electronics.

Reason 421 that we're meant to be together: "I buy useless stuff all the times I'm not mad, she buys useless stuff only when she IS mad."

This story accompanied me to work today on my drive. It made me smile, but then made me look at the clock to realize that once I landed from being in the clouds, I was 33 minutes early for my shift. FML.

[kyle]

P.S. Kimberly surprised me today (not nearly an easy task) and came home early. She was waiting for me (as if to pounce) just outside my door to Audio Central. We watched the parade and she went home and I went back to reality.

Perception

Life can be so much more than you think it is. Things can happen unexpectedly and change everything for you, much like the beat to a song you're enjoying. Song's change, but it doesn't mean it's always a bad thing. Sometimes you just have to relish the time you had with the beat you had since it really is what brought you to this point in the song. I'll tell you this, it's not time for us to stop dancing because the music got slow or went to a minor key. It's time for us to continue to move with the melody and enjoy the other people in the band! Now is the time to dance! Keep moving! Ignore the other crap going on, live today for today for the reasons you should be. Live for the finale! This is our one shot to be apart of this one time and it's only our fault or responsibility to make the most of it.

[kyle]

Decades of Artistic Feelings

End of another month...I noticed today that it was almost the end of this decade. What do I have to show for the first decade of the millennium? Kimberly, a great career in which I'm respected, I feel that I am slowly getting closer to my family (thanks, in part, to Kimberly), and I feel like I'm earning my age of "almost 25"... Is there anything tangible? That's an interesting way to phrase a question about my progress. Granted, I am the one asking the question, but that is (quite obviously) beside the point. Tangible? That's like asking if every breath I've been granted in my life would've meant more had I been able to hold it to my face to ingest it. I think the things in my life that have meant more to me have been, poetically so, intangible. That's what makes it worth more...you have to imagine the physical value. I love that God made us this way, in that we have to rely on our knowledge of the world and what we can't grasp to understand and appreciate each other and our lives.

Past myself, I believe that God's still in charge, El Nino is on it's way, economic turmoil is still inevitable even WHEN the market steadies out...tomorrow will survive in tomorrow's existence and I'll still blog when I have something to say. I love to blog my thoughts, I love to be artistic and when I get the rare chance to actually be inspired at the right time to write something to the world of the wide-web. I aspire to be a better, more thriving author, photographer, and person but never really know exactly how I want to achieve it. I know that I will wake up tomorrow feeling artistically unfulfilled and wanting to shoot more pictures, write more blogs, listen to more music, and read more books. I have a yearning to do more with my senses and don't understand what to do about it.

[kyle]

1000 Julys

July marks the center of the year. Not just the center, but the milestone. July is a very special month to me for many reasons and I will always love fall months better than July, but July holds so much that I hold dear in it that to even mention it here would tarnish it's luster enough that it's not worth sharing, but I did want to mention here that I will be pretty happy next week when my beloved month of summer arrives. Just you wait...keep moving forward and you'll see it...

[kyle]

A Note About My Previous Blog: If you go to look at my last blog, I've made all of the spelling corrections that need to be made, but you'll also see a comment posted. I've leaving it up there as an example of "how NOT to win points or make arguments to people via comments". I don't give a frying rats ass what Rockstar does with their money, I don't care what the product does to me, I don't care who the hell invented it...it keeps me awake and tastes scrumptious. I love that the internet exists so that people can research and share...it also gives me something to laugh at.

That is all.

California Love

I was sitting in a small sushi place on the boulevard today when I noticed three people eating with radios in tow. Radios mean one thing out here...production jobs. Kinda cliche, but fun to notice every once in awhile. It's so nice to be out here on a Saturday, to see all the tourists photographing trash and the "sights", listening to bustle of people around H&H...it's a sort of poetic chaos out here. The charm of Hollywood is not lost on me, I still love it up here...the excitement, the glamour, even the noise. I think why I still love it, even after two years is because I'm not immersed in it. I love Orange County more. It's home. It's my life. It's our life. I don't know if I could leave it for somewhere like our neighbor just 40 short miles north.

Anyway, just weird thoughts on a weird day. I'm working on a blog to end all blogs right now. You'll love it when you see it and if you don't, your money back! Check out Twitter if you haven't already, it's a revolutionary way to express small thoughts.

[kyle]

Turn The Page...

I feel this chapter coming to an end. These nightshifts seemed to have taken their toll for this season and I feel a day shift or three coming on. This has by no means shortened my shifts, it just means they should appear at "regular people's hours"...or so we hope. It's times like these that require some introspection on my part. I just feel the need to look closer inside and figure out what I need to work on next. They're good starting points for personal, pet projects. "What don't I like about myself that I can work on currently?" It's not a bad question and shouldn't be viewed as self-deprecating. It should be viewed as self-improvement. This isn't narcissism or pride, it's a sort of internal personality maintenance that I think everyone should be doing from time to time if you plan on being a better person tomorrow.

Kind of along those lines is this thing that Mraz posted on his blog recently about the "Humanifesto"...pretty amazing stuff and an interesting concept to say the least. I feel that a lot of people are targeting different angles to the problems we're having and this is a (albeit atheistic) but productive vantage. They say that in basic, "Make eye contact with anyone you interact with. Smiling is optional but highly encouraged. Use the words 'Please' and 'Thank You' as often as you can. Seek out ways to improve the lives of others. This can be as small as carrying someones bag up a flight of stairs, or holding a door open." I'm not going to lie, it's a great place to start and a helluva lot better place than most people are starting in. Shoot, it's a START people!

Just a couple little thoughts on this extra long night brought to you by Honda...

Look closely. Live openly. Embrace today don't just seize it.

[kyle]

Adjusting The AF

"...I hurt myself today...to see if I still feel..."

There are times in life that you learn more about living than you do at other times. This week is one of those weeks. A recurring theme in my life has been that I don't really keep my mouth shut enough. That can carry on into my generic attitude, my outlook on the life-task at hand, etc. I can see so much of why I burn bridges. Kimberly pointed this out to me the other day on our way to dinner with her folks as I was explaining my distaste for something that happened to me last year. That's right, I'm still upset about something that happened at work a year ago. That should prove right there how much I'll allow things to fester.

Now, I can blame everyone else for my utter hatred of the "evil prospering" in the world and why God allows this to happen. Or...as is suggested, I can let it go as if it was the "whisp" of air that is most actually is. I don't really care about morons succeeding above me. I don't really care about being ignored. I don't really care about being treated poorly. I just care about doing a good job...at least that's what I should be caring about. I think it's time to re-focus myself; take a step back and reflect on the positive things that are happening to me.

I couldn't be more happy about the life that Kimberly and I have built from the ground up. I love what we share and how we share it. I love, even more, how we've cleaned our lives out of un-necessary issues and drama. Even all that "stuff" that collects throughout life, we're starting to get rid of. We started ripping our DVD's into our media server farm the other night and she's just kicking ass at it! We plan on selling our DVD's and making a little extra money off of it. It feels so good to have a help-mate who shares my goals and dreams. I love that she drives me to achieve! What a wonderful woman I've been entrusted with!

I could talk about her for hours, but I need to get back to work and to also finish up watching the WWDC keynote from last week. I'm super excited about the new OS and it's support of Exchange (finally!). Anyway...that's enough outta me!

[kyle]

The Life And Times of Life and Time

Just me, the cats, and the list of reasons why a lazy Sunday is good thing. Today awoke with a short trip down to Ladera Ranch to cover Zim's church duties as the sound guy followed by a nap. After the glorious 1.5 hour nap, I went to pick Kimberly up for lunch and now I'm here contemplating whether or not it's nighttime yet. Along with the ever so deep "what time is it really" dilemma that is ongoing in my head, I've also been thinking about time wasted. What actually defines time as being truly "wasted"? Isn't it the whole act of doing whatever it is you're doing constitute as time spent, not wasted? It is a conundrum to say the least. For "time" in and of itself is a constant by which we base almost everything action on it sure can be a relative thing. Someone may say, "you're wasting time" while I might say, "I'm learning myself".

It's a weird thing, isn't it, life and time? The way it's constantly ticking against our relative selves...

Keep it going, for you and all humanity...my time is worth it.

[kyle]