Bad News Looks Like This

Everything was different two days ago. It's interesting when you get to know your future...well, potential future...it makes you start to worry about a lot of "if's" that may or may not really happen. It's making Kimberly sad. She keeps longing for Thursday, before all this happened. We went to a geneticist who informed me that I may have a 50/50 chance of contracting Myotonic Dystrophy (what my dad, sister, nephew, neice, aunt, aunt, grandpa, and cousin all have). That's pretty harrowing. What am I supposed to do with that information right now? I'm healthy (for the most part) right now. Whatever. Anyway, the strangest thing is that I'm not bummed out about it. I'm more worried about Kimberly. The possibility is scaring her. I will say that's one thing that I got from my pops that's been rather useful and cool. My dad never complains. He'll make off-handed comments about how he's doing, "I'm dying...how are you?" and it'll make the room uncomfortable while I just laugh and say, "aren't we all?" He's never said, "God why?" or "How dare this happen to me while I'm still [relatively] young?!?" The man is resolved that the negative thing about his whole disease is the strain it has on my mother and us. Am I going to do the same if I get it? I hope so, because my father deserves as much strength from me as he has had.

Frankly, though, all of this is irrelevant because no one knows their future, and today is Saturday.

[kyle]

Extra Cookie Dough

It's been interesting lately, being at home as much as I have been, because of ailment or otherwise. But, it's been so rewarding actually living my life as opposed to just observing the few meager excuses for personal memories I used to have before Kimberly. I have new memories. I have a fire in the fireplace and my wonderful woman curled up next to me. I'm watching my newest (about an hour old now) obsession of The United States of Tara.

Kimberly heard about this show from some friends who were appalled that she hadn't seen or even really heard about it yet. It's this amazing show on Showtime about a mother with Multiple Personality Disorder who made a family decision to stop taking her medication so her old "friends" re-surfaced and keep interrupting, good or bad, her life. Very real. Great work by Diablo Cody and Steven Speilberg. Great cast too, the four family members are so good at interacting, even in the Pilot. I think it's irreverent and perfect and you should all watch it.

Anyway, I am really enjoying all the time I get to spend with Kimberly and our kitties, despite the sickness, but it's time well spent and i finally, after 25 years, feel completely fulfilled. The pieces are starting to fall into place, not as quickly as some (read: Kimberly ;) ) would like, and I'm completely joking, Kimberly, I just love that you love that quote.

Now, stop reading my blog, go live your lives, friends.

[kyle]

New October Resolutions

I've sat out here in blog-land for sometime now and my observations are proving to be astounding. To myself, more than anybody, but alas astounding. Why do people come out here to share their thoughts, feelings, and snippets of life that they discover? Is it rhetorical or do people expect an answer? These generic questions obviously become relative when thinking about this because human nature allows us the opportunity to self-evaluate. Why do I blog? I'm not really sure. It's kind of to share thoughts with the internet and see if anyone responds. On the other hand it's also just to express what I'm thinking somewhere and I don't necessarily care if anyone actually reads or comments on it. So, for me, I suppose it's just rhetorical and partially to become a part in the "web-community" (as it were).

It's an interesting snapshot of someone's life to look at their entries from months or even years ago. I used to look back on mine frequently and ask myself what the heck I was actually thinking when I wrote them. I sounded sad and lost. As I'm now striving to keep on the path that I sat myself down on years ago, I want to use this blog as a benchmark of progress. In my relationship with Kimberly, my family, my friends, and my walk. The last one should be one of difficulty as I'm not the most motivated of individuals, but my resolve is to do something about this. Now, I could do the typical thing and just wait until January 1st and then "resolve" to do something, but you're almost guaranteed failure if you do that because the connotation is that New Year's Resolutions aren't kept.

In a round about sort of way, this is where things are starting. Here in late-October.

[kyle]

Fall Dreamin'

[kyle]

Green, Numb, and Out-of-control

It has been some time since I've posted, and for that I have to say that life is so incredibly busy at times, and of course it doesn't help when you end up with a cold and subsequently three weeks later, a boil near your bum! In addition, we're loading in a show that has everyone at their wit's end, my sister is being all sorts of drama (not news), and my mom is about to burst from stresses! Nothing seems to go right when you want it to, ya know?

Through all this, I sort of feel like the guy at the beginning of Garden State when everything's rushing around him and he's standing still. I feel as if I'm at the mercy of my environment, like I'm just being pushed to the next minute of life at someone else's pace. It's weird, though, because it's all serene-feeling, like I don't mind being pushed over here or there. I'm not quite sure what to do about it or even if I want to do something about it. I've realized at the [now] age of 25 that life is short and that caring wastes time. Caring about yourself is a waste of time. Care about somebody else, it's more gratifying and helpful to society and the other person (people).

Anyway, these things are all on my mind as I sit here all hyped up on the coedine and anti-biotics...completely out of my mind.

[kyle]

"This Is Your Life, Are You Who You Want To Be?"

There's been a recurring theme in my life over the last weeks, as there often is, that is rather simple, but complicated simultaneously. This paradox may or may not be familiar to you, although if you work in entertainment it's something we tend to ignore for the most part. So, what is this theme? "Are you living your life?"

You may think that a very basic concept, but most people with involved careers overlook this all the time. In my life, I'll find myself out at dinner or at a bar (not on business) and what's the topic? Work, gear, complaining, whining, bitching...after 10 years of this, I'm over it. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty much the worst offender of this, but it doesn't help that everyone else does it too. I'm all about sharing war stories, but as with most things there's a time and a place. It's so much harder to do this appropriately than you think. I don't know many who can differentiate when to steer conversation to and away from work, but I'm trying to teach myself that there's infinitely more to talk about than the thing that ties us all together.

Go out and live your lives, my friends, because I suppose the main moral of this premise is: "life's too short, live your life, it'll be gone soon..."

[kyle]