Chapter 2:

This day, last year, I made a decision. It was a very difficult decision and one that I didn't take lightly. I chose to quit smoking. After 4 years of purchase, pack, pull, put match to, pollute, and put out, I decided it was time to quit. The first question people usually ask after "why?" is "how?", so I will answer both with this short story.

I had gotten into...a discussion...with Kimberly about my bad habit and she further expressed her concerns for my health and well-being. Not but two sentences into a lecture I'd heard plenty of times and one I'm sure she'd given several times, she cut herself off. After a brief moment, she looked right at my eyes with a grief-stricken look and sighed as she said, "do what you want, but I've been through this before. For 8 years I dealt with the promise of quitting and then was lied to. You won't hear anymore about this from me, but do what you want..." The look on her face was enough to make the entire world cry. I never wanted to see that look on her face again, so I planned to quit the next day. That night was December 4th, 2008, I updated my Quitter app on my iPhone to the next day and discarded my remaining cigarettes.

It was the first major renovation to my life, now lived with Kimberly. One of many as the next major big thing is coming down the pike just this coming Monday. For those of you [three who read this] who may not know, I've decided to go back to school. Not Orange Coast College, which I've been in a class for the last sixteen weeks with, but to a real progressing school that will land me degree-holding in just 3 to 4 years. I get to take all of my classes online and all of my courses are 5 weeks long. There is no "summer break" or "winter break" in the middle and all the materials are digital. This school is way up my alley, don't you think? I'm heading after a degree in Information Technology & Networking which is fairly applicable to almost everything in the future of everything. I think it'll be the hardest, yet most fulfilling road that Kimberly and I will travel and I'm already thankful for her continued support as I attempt the next difficult chapter in my life.

Chapter 3 is coming soon...it may just start in the midst of chapter 2. ;)

[kyle]

To Be A Stinson: "12 Reasons I'm Awesome"

I was having lunch today and as the conversation happening across the table was going on (about football), I realized that I don't have much of an interest or talent that is "regular" in society. I don't like, nor am I good at sports really... I don't play a musical instrument very well or a "common" one like guitar or bass... So am I good at anything? That's an entirely unproductive and vain question because immediately upon asking that, someone would say "oh, no you're good at ________" which would be true. Being in the positive mood that I'm (was) in, I came up with some small, yet great things...

And now, to "toot my own horn", as it were:

1) People trust me.
I'm finding the longer I'm here on this earth that people will really tell me anything. Sooner or later, you're caving, just face it. If you don't, the other people who know will tell me...eventually I'll know. I'm very hard to surprise because of this. Kimberly does a pretty good job at it.

2) I don't ask questions that I don't know the answer to.
This is sort of a continuation of the first point. I only ask what I'm almost sure to get a "yes" to or an answer that I already know.

3) I pull off amazing things.
There are way too many stories to post here about how I even amazed myself by getting results from a veritable "crap shoot". Suffice it to say, I can absolutely deliver...when I feel the time's right.

4) When I make the threat, "you don't want my full attention", it's not an empty threat.
I've never had to follow through with this yet, and most people do laugh when I say this. But, I most definitely can focus very hard on something and add my determination to that focus and you have all these character traits pointed at you, and don't forget...I deliver.

5) I'm entertaining.
I'm not about to attempt to tarnish my reputation by trying to entertain you here (out of context), so I'll just tell you that people are happy when we get to work together. I work off of other people and for the most part am in the mood to make the most out of whatever shift I have. I'm very witty and can snap lines back at you very quick.

6) I'm relatively dependable.
The whole reason I insert the word "relatively" is because sometimes in the process of trying to be dependable to everyone, someone suffers. Kimberly has to put up with the results of my absence, but she's so much a part of me now that we have both adapted and try to avoid any potential potholes before we hit them to minimize on disappointments. She, also, for the most part, knows the people I work for and agrees with most of my urgency. This doesn't mean we don't "fight" about it, but it's not really a fight, more of a responsible discussion.

7) I figure things out...fast.
I'm one of the best troubleshooters you've ever met. If I happen to defer an issue its because it's not time sensitive, someone else close by knows better, or the issue requires further research. As far as other things, I operate best in an environment when I know all the rules. I can bend rules that I know, but I can't affect what I don't know.

8) I'm strategic.
I can't play chess worth anything, but as I mentioned above I can operate in an environment of rules that I can bend and manipulate. I can plan and plan and plan and plan...the awesome thing is that I can also execute. Because people like me (for these and other reasons), they're willing to do favors for me and support me.

9) I understand and thoroughly love music.
You'd be pretty hard-pressed to find me lacking an opinion or emotion about music (specific or otherwise). Also, I can completely disengage certain instrument parts pretty easily on a first pass of music which helps me in multiple live sound situations. On top of all this, I love pretty much every form of music (except Polka) which you already knew if you know me. I really do love all music. Hendrix to Spears...try me.

10) I'm loyal and people are loyal to me.
I know my press. Firstly, people tell me frequently what people say about me (which kinda goes hand in hand with #1). But, also, I don't betray people unless provoked (#4) and I am very friendly with people, even and especially with people who hate me. There's nothing like carrying a misunderstanding too far be jumping to immediate hatred. Although I do find that my opinion of other people is somewhat dictated by those I trust most. I will say this, that I blindly trust few people with my life and it's a SHORT list.

11) I'm a great writer.
I can write words to express whatever I'm feeling. I can fabricate some of the best "tribal knowledge" terminology to get the job done or to get my point across. Most people rarely ask me if "that's the actual term or are you making it up" because I do like to pay attention and tie things together in a logical manner. But, either way, read my posts and you tell me. I know I wrote a blog several years ago, frustrated, explaining to my friends and family why I'm at work so much and why it's so worth it to me.

12) Kimberly loves me.
As cliche and last minute as it may seem, I've saved the best for last in this case. Many people don't understand why she's with me (including myself), but I consider it my greatest trait because it says the most about me. She really is the rest of me. She gives me the confidence to fulfill the other 11 things which were just petty reflections of substantial attributes. She is the best part of me, all in all.

I'm sure there's other things I've missed, but it's not meant to be an expression of vanity. It's meant to be a ruler for things to look for in yourself and other people. Some of these things may seem to you, a stretch. But, I assure you that not only do I know myself better than anyone, I am also internally filtering all these statements through many memories of specific instances where these traits manifest themselves. Essentially, to say "trust me, I know how awesome I am."

[kyle]

New October Resolutions

I've sat out here in blog-land for sometime now and my observations are proving to be astounding. To myself, more than anybody, but alas astounding. Why do people come out here to share their thoughts, feelings, and snippets of life that they discover? Is it rhetorical or do people expect an answer? These generic questions obviously become relative when thinking about this because human nature allows us the opportunity to self-evaluate. Why do I blog? I'm not really sure. It's kind of to share thoughts with the internet and see if anyone responds. On the other hand it's also just to express what I'm thinking somewhere and I don't necessarily care if anyone actually reads or comments on it. So, for me, I suppose it's just rhetorical and partially to become a part in the "web-community" (as it were).

It's an interesting snapshot of someone's life to look at their entries from months or even years ago. I used to look back on mine frequently and ask myself what the heck I was actually thinking when I wrote them. I sounded sad and lost. As I'm now striving to keep on the path that I sat myself down on years ago, I want to use this blog as a benchmark of progress. In my relationship with Kimberly, my family, my friends, and my walk. The last one should be one of difficulty as I'm not the most motivated of individuals, but my resolve is to do something about this. Now, I could do the typical thing and just wait until January 1st and then "resolve" to do something, but you're almost guaranteed failure if you do that because the connotation is that New Year's Resolutions aren't kept.

In a round about sort of way, this is where things are starting. Here in late-October.

[kyle]

Green, Numb, and Out-of-control

It has been some time since I've posted, and for that I have to say that life is so incredibly busy at times, and of course it doesn't help when you end up with a cold and subsequently three weeks later, a boil near your bum! In addition, we're loading in a show that has everyone at their wit's end, my sister is being all sorts of drama (not news), and my mom is about to burst from stresses! Nothing seems to go right when you want it to, ya know?

Through all this, I sort of feel like the guy at the beginning of Garden State when everything's rushing around him and he's standing still. I feel as if I'm at the mercy of my environment, like I'm just being pushed to the next minute of life at someone else's pace. It's weird, though, because it's all serene-feeling, like I don't mind being pushed over here or there. I'm not quite sure what to do about it or even if I want to do something about it. I've realized at the [now] age of 25 that life is short and that caring wastes time. Caring about yourself is a waste of time. Care about somebody else, it's more gratifying and helpful to society and the other person (people).

Anyway, these things are all on my mind as I sit here all hyped up on the coedine and anti-biotics...completely out of my mind.

[kyle]

Growing Up

There are those milestones in life that cause you to reflect. Who knew that 24 years and some change was what would cause a huge reflection. It may not be as much my age and time on this earth as much as it is a lot of major life events. I came to the conclusion recently that I may just be too old for some things now. It's getting to be about that time. I'm not going to go make any sort of Murtaugh list or anything as that has a tendency to limit my possibilities. But, I have evaluated that drama and personal issues that have arisen at work are not for work, they're not even for home. I'm almost 25, and being petty about "who's dating who" and "did you hear what happened to so-and-so?". These are not my issues to deal with. I don't care about your personal life while I'm at work. I mean, really do I? No, because it's none of my business and I don't want it to be.

Furthermore, Kimberly is my life, not yours. She belongs to her family and me and if you want to try to horn in on what's going on when it really is none of your business, I'm not going to be friendly to you. I'm not coddling her, I'm not being overly protective, I'm not controlling her. She is her own woman and I'm allowed to and want to be apart of it. Don't mess with it.

I'm also too old to be involved in whatever's going on in your life. Trust me, if I'm interested in what's going on with you, you'll know. I'd call, text, facebook, blog, comment or maybe just talk to you...point is, you'd know.

This is all really intense, I understand, but it's just getting old getting wrapped around someone's personal life that was not my business to begin with. The problem is that venting my frustrations about my previous choices (and their current consequences) here (to Brad, Kim, and whoever RSS'd this) isn't much at solving my issues with myself. I guess that I just needed a place to write down my resolve so that I can re-read it later and be reminded that getting too involved hurts you. Being involved itself isn't the harm, it's the trying to extend a helping hand to someone that shoves it hard enough to slap your own self in the face, that is the true danger. I'm over it.

[kyle]