Chapter 2:

This day, last year, I made a decision. It was a very difficult decision and one that I didn't take lightly. I chose to quit smoking. After 4 years of purchase, pack, pull, put match to, pollute, and put out, I decided it was time to quit. The first question people usually ask after "why?" is "how?", so I will answer both with this short story.

I had gotten into...a discussion...with Kimberly about my bad habit and she further expressed her concerns for my health and well-being. Not but two sentences into a lecture I'd heard plenty of times and one I'm sure she'd given several times, she cut herself off. After a brief moment, she looked right at my eyes with a grief-stricken look and sighed as she said, "do what you want, but I've been through this before. For 8 years I dealt with the promise of quitting and then was lied to. You won't hear anymore about this from me, but do what you want..." The look on her face was enough to make the entire world cry. I never wanted to see that look on her face again, so I planned to quit the next day. That night was December 4th, 2008, I updated my Quitter app on my iPhone to the next day and discarded my remaining cigarettes.

It was the first major renovation to my life, now lived with Kimberly. One of many as the next major big thing is coming down the pike just this coming Monday. For those of you [three who read this] who may not know, I've decided to go back to school. Not Orange Coast College, which I've been in a class for the last sixteen weeks with, but to a real progressing school that will land me degree-holding in just 3 to 4 years. I get to take all of my classes online and all of my courses are 5 weeks long. There is no "summer break" or "winter break" in the middle and all the materials are digital. This school is way up my alley, don't you think? I'm heading after a degree in Information Technology & Networking which is fairly applicable to almost everything in the future of everything. I think it'll be the hardest, yet most fulfilling road that Kimberly and I will travel and I'm already thankful for her continued support as I attempt the next difficult chapter in my life.

Chapter 3 is coming soon...it may just start in the midst of chapter 2. ;)

[kyle]

It's All Just A Little Bit of History Repeating

"Young men of this class never do anything for themselves that they can get other people to do for them, and it is the infatuation, the devotion, the superstition of others that keeps them going. These others in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred are women."

Washington Square by Henry James

Determination.

"It doesn't say much. Only 'Howard Roark, Architect.' But it's like those mottoes men carved over the entrance of a castle and died for. It's a challenge in the face of something so vast and so dark, that all the pain on earth-and do you know how much suffering there is on earth?-all the pain comes from that thing you are going to face. I don't know what it is, I don't know why it should be unleashed against you. I know only that it will be. And I know that if you carry these words through to the end, it will be a victory, Howard, not just for you, but for something that should win, that moves the world-and never wins acknowledgement. It will vindicate so many who have fallen before you, who have suffered as you will suffer. May God bless you-or whoever it is that is alone to see the best, the highest possible to human hearts. You're on your way into hell, Howard." Part 1, Chapter 11, pg. 133 of Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead

[kyle]

To Be A Stinson: "12 Reasons I'm Awesome"

I was having lunch today and as the conversation happening across the table was going on (about football), I realized that I don't have much of an interest or talent that is "regular" in society. I don't like, nor am I good at sports really... I don't play a musical instrument very well or a "common" one like guitar or bass... So am I good at anything? That's an entirely unproductive and vain question because immediately upon asking that, someone would say "oh, no you're good at ________" which would be true. Being in the positive mood that I'm (was) in, I came up with some small, yet great things...

And now, to "toot my own horn", as it were:

1) People trust me.
I'm finding the longer I'm here on this earth that people will really tell me anything. Sooner or later, you're caving, just face it. If you don't, the other people who know will tell me...eventually I'll know. I'm very hard to surprise because of this. Kimberly does a pretty good job at it.

2) I don't ask questions that I don't know the answer to.
This is sort of a continuation of the first point. I only ask what I'm almost sure to get a "yes" to or an answer that I already know.

3) I pull off amazing things.
There are way too many stories to post here about how I even amazed myself by getting results from a veritable "crap shoot". Suffice it to say, I can absolutely deliver...when I feel the time's right.

4) When I make the threat, "you don't want my full attention", it's not an empty threat.
I've never had to follow through with this yet, and most people do laugh when I say this. But, I most definitely can focus very hard on something and add my determination to that focus and you have all these character traits pointed at you, and don't forget...I deliver.

5) I'm entertaining.
I'm not about to attempt to tarnish my reputation by trying to entertain you here (out of context), so I'll just tell you that people are happy when we get to work together. I work off of other people and for the most part am in the mood to make the most out of whatever shift I have. I'm very witty and can snap lines back at you very quick.

6) I'm relatively dependable.
The whole reason I insert the word "relatively" is because sometimes in the process of trying to be dependable to everyone, someone suffers. Kimberly has to put up with the results of my absence, but she's so much a part of me now that we have both adapted and try to avoid any potential potholes before we hit them to minimize on disappointments. She, also, for the most part, knows the people I work for and agrees with most of my urgency. This doesn't mean we don't "fight" about it, but it's not really a fight, more of a responsible discussion.

7) I figure things out...fast.
I'm one of the best troubleshooters you've ever met. If I happen to defer an issue its because it's not time sensitive, someone else close by knows better, or the issue requires further research. As far as other things, I operate best in an environment when I know all the rules. I can bend rules that I know, but I can't affect what I don't know.

8) I'm strategic.
I can't play chess worth anything, but as I mentioned above I can operate in an environment of rules that I can bend and manipulate. I can plan and plan and plan and plan...the awesome thing is that I can also execute. Because people like me (for these and other reasons), they're willing to do favors for me and support me.

9) I understand and thoroughly love music.
You'd be pretty hard-pressed to find me lacking an opinion or emotion about music (specific or otherwise). Also, I can completely disengage certain instrument parts pretty easily on a first pass of music which helps me in multiple live sound situations. On top of all this, I love pretty much every form of music (except Polka) which you already knew if you know me. I really do love all music. Hendrix to Spears...try me.

10) I'm loyal and people are loyal to me.
I know my press. Firstly, people tell me frequently what people say about me (which kinda goes hand in hand with #1). But, also, I don't betray people unless provoked (#4) and I am very friendly with people, even and especially with people who hate me. There's nothing like carrying a misunderstanding too far be jumping to immediate hatred. Although I do find that my opinion of other people is somewhat dictated by those I trust most. I will say this, that I blindly trust few people with my life and it's a SHORT list.

11) I'm a great writer.
I can write words to express whatever I'm feeling. I can fabricate some of the best "tribal knowledge" terminology to get the job done or to get my point across. Most people rarely ask me if "that's the actual term or are you making it up" because I do like to pay attention and tie things together in a logical manner. But, either way, read my posts and you tell me. I know I wrote a blog several years ago, frustrated, explaining to my friends and family why I'm at work so much and why it's so worth it to me.

12) Kimberly loves me.
As cliche and last minute as it may seem, I've saved the best for last in this case. Many people don't understand why she's with me (including myself), but I consider it my greatest trait because it says the most about me. She really is the rest of me. She gives me the confidence to fulfill the other 11 things which were just petty reflections of substantial attributes. She is the best part of me, all in all.

I'm sure there's other things I've missed, but it's not meant to be an expression of vanity. It's meant to be a ruler for things to look for in yourself and other people. Some of these things may seem to you, a stretch. But, I assure you that not only do I know myself better than anyone, I am also internally filtering all these statements through many memories of specific instances where these traits manifest themselves. Essentially, to say "trust me, I know how awesome I am."

[kyle]

"Live Like I'm Alive"

"Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire." -Thomas Merton

Progressively Normal

"The trouble with normal is it always gets worse."

-Bruce Cockburn

Book Smart

i wish to read these.
















[kyle]

State of Fear

Wow. So apparently, there's been a little hacking going on in research facilities. Ever heard of ClimateGate? No? Then you'll [possibly] enjoy the link listed previously.




A little background on my stance on Global Warming. I read a book by Michael Crichton a few years ago called "State of Fear" where he (in his normal novel format) outlines how the global community is being fear mongored by scientists searching for more research grants for "global warming" and that they'd go to every extent to get that money. It's interesting considering the late Crichton was very liberal politcally. This doesn't mean he was ignorant though and even though I'm sure he was looked down upon by other members of his party, he still wrote and published his book, the epilogue of which contained his personal beliefs regarding our care and stewardship of the environment which just so happens to coincide with my own for the most part. Either way you look at it, you should read the book. It'll probably be a movie within the year considering this breach in informational e-mails about the hoaxing of the human race.

[kyle]

"Look At What We Can Do"

There's an episode of Sports Night that no matter how many times I watch it, it really gets me excited about being alive right now. There's a few of those shows that speak to me, but every time I see something like the following YouTube video, it reverberates through my mind...

Enjoy!

Do...No, BE As You're Told

"I didnt know I was mad about anything. I guess if the New York Times says I am, I must be."

-Mark Cuban

This man is brilliance. Revolutionizing the business world as they've known it.

[kyle]

Life.

"Live all you can; it's a mistake not to. It doesn't so much matter what you do in particular, so long as you have your life. If you haven't had that what HAVE you had?"

The Ambassadors by Henry James

"I've Made A Mess Of Me"

I hate the past. Life could potentially be better without one. At least, to remove everything except the experience of it. I just want the past to dissipate and go away. I don't want her or my past to interfere anymore. It causes un-necessary arguments (mostly due to a lack of understanding on either of our parts). There's no point in expressing the reasons why. There are no reasons. The past is behind us...not our current concern...who cares...Our investment. That's what cares. We pissed away time, emotion, energy, and time on that crap. So our investment in it (no matter how misguided) cares.

Now, is that bad? Is it wrong to hope that our entire time with that other person was a waste? I don't think so. The things that hurt us are so much of what makes us who we are today that it'd be foolish to think that it's wrong to wish it never happened. But, now that we're living as our current selves, why dwell? There's really no reason. Why is this?


Because what is developing the current me is you. I like me now. I've never liked me like I like me now. My life is no longer a mess...it's useful.

[kyle]

P.S. You may have just listened to my "gotta finish this beer, like, tonight" ramblings...sorry if it doesn't make sense. I'll re-read it tomorrow to be sure it's alright...

WARNING: This Post Will Offend You In Some Way

Now, I don't typically post strongly political or religious stuff on here due to my (for lack of a better term) "mixed" audience, but it's getting truly ridiculous. It was around this time last year that I watch a bunch of smart people lose their minds and make us out to be a band of complete idiots. I love being a Christian, I really do, but there's not a ton of things more un-Christ-like than rendering that which is Cesar's to be God's. There's no love in manufacturing yourself a martyr in the name of "free-speech" on the steps of Washington D.C. Stop confusing the message of an absolute need for a Savior with bigotry and hatred. I know a lot of these terms are thrown about aimlessly by both sides and not everyone who is/was pro Prop 8 is a hateful bigot, but look at what the people are seeing! What would you think if a group of people stood up and said, "we want to legislate against Christianity"? Would you not be appalled? Would you not picket? What would you do if a country founded on religious freedom and beliefs actually printed a ballot that outlawed a belief?

Stop giving people more reasons to hate us, they already have plenty, and do what we are compelled to do by the Bible which is to pray for EVERYONE and not ignore or hate people for having a different opinion. Who died and made us God? Why are we spending so much time arguing and fighting with each other? Pray, people, that's what we're supposed to do.

I realize I'm not the best example for any of this stuff and I've probably lost one or two (read: all) of my readers because of this post, but it's getting ridiculous. I know there are plenty of people who disagree with me too, but it's the internet and I can write what I want, therefore, my post...

[kyle]

Articles: Wikipedia about Matthew Shepherd Act and the take on it by the gay community.

"...I want to live like I know what I'm leaving..."

"here we are now with our desperate youth and pain, we're awakening. Maybe it's called 'ambition', you've been talking in your sleep about a dream, we're awakening..."

[kyle]

digital noise

the internet is loud today.

[kyle]

ser*en*dip*i*ty

It was all over from here...we were already sub-consciously plotting...especially that blonde one. I mean, look at that face. I think somewhere down deep inside, I knew from the moments just prior to this shot that the existence I held before was no longer valid, had expired, and living was on it's way.

I love you, Kimby...thank you for breathing life into me.

[kyle]

Bad News Looks Like This

Everything was different two days ago. It's interesting when you get to know your future...well, potential future...it makes you start to worry about a lot of "if's" that may or may not really happen. It's making Kimberly sad. She keeps longing for Thursday, before all this happened. We went to a geneticist who informed me that I may have a 50/50 chance of contracting Myotonic Dystrophy (what my dad, sister, nephew, neice, aunt, aunt, grandpa, and cousin all have). That's pretty harrowing. What am I supposed to do with that information right now? I'm healthy (for the most part) right now. Whatever. Anyway, the strangest thing is that I'm not bummed out about it. I'm more worried about Kimberly. The possibility is scaring her. I will say that's one thing that I got from my pops that's been rather useful and cool. My dad never complains. He'll make off-handed comments about how he's doing, "I'm dying...how are you?" and it'll make the room uncomfortable while I just laugh and say, "aren't we all?" He's never said, "God why?" or "How dare this happen to me while I'm still [relatively] young?!?" The man is resolved that the negative thing about his whole disease is the strain it has on my mother and us. Am I going to do the same if I get it? I hope so, because my father deserves as much strength from me as he has had.

Frankly, though, all of this is irrelevant because no one knows their future, and today is Saturday.

[kyle]

Extra Cookie Dough

It's been interesting lately, being at home as much as I have been, because of ailment or otherwise. But, it's been so rewarding actually living my life as opposed to just observing the few meager excuses for personal memories I used to have before Kimberly. I have new memories. I have a fire in the fireplace and my wonderful woman curled up next to me. I'm watching my newest (about an hour old now) obsession of The United States of Tara.

Kimberly heard about this show from some friends who were appalled that she hadn't seen or even really heard about it yet. It's this amazing show on Showtime about a mother with Multiple Personality Disorder who made a family decision to stop taking her medication so her old "friends" re-surfaced and keep interrupting, good or bad, her life. Very real. Great work by Diablo Cody and Steven Speilberg. Great cast too, the four family members are so good at interacting, even in the Pilot. I think it's irreverent and perfect and you should all watch it.

Anyway, I am really enjoying all the time I get to spend with Kimberly and our kitties, despite the sickness, but it's time well spent and i finally, after 25 years, feel completely fulfilled. The pieces are starting to fall into place, not as quickly as some (read: Kimberly ;) ) would like, and I'm completely joking, Kimberly, I just love that you love that quote.

Now, stop reading my blog, go live your lives, friends.

[kyle]

New October Resolutions

I've sat out here in blog-land for sometime now and my observations are proving to be astounding. To myself, more than anybody, but alas astounding. Why do people come out here to share their thoughts, feelings, and snippets of life that they discover? Is it rhetorical or do people expect an answer? These generic questions obviously become relative when thinking about this because human nature allows us the opportunity to self-evaluate. Why do I blog? I'm not really sure. It's kind of to share thoughts with the internet and see if anyone responds. On the other hand it's also just to express what I'm thinking somewhere and I don't necessarily care if anyone actually reads or comments on it. So, for me, I suppose it's just rhetorical and partially to become a part in the "web-community" (as it were).

It's an interesting snapshot of someone's life to look at their entries from months or even years ago. I used to look back on mine frequently and ask myself what the heck I was actually thinking when I wrote them. I sounded sad and lost. As I'm now striving to keep on the path that I sat myself down on years ago, I want to use this blog as a benchmark of progress. In my relationship with Kimberly, my family, my friends, and my walk. The last one should be one of difficulty as I'm not the most motivated of individuals, but my resolve is to do something about this. Now, I could do the typical thing and just wait until January 1st and then "resolve" to do something, but you're almost guaranteed failure if you do that because the connotation is that New Year's Resolutions aren't kept.

In a round about sort of way, this is where things are starting. Here in late-October.

[kyle]

Fall Dreamin'

[kyle]

Green, Numb, and Out-of-control

It has been some time since I've posted, and for that I have to say that life is so incredibly busy at times, and of course it doesn't help when you end up with a cold and subsequently three weeks later, a boil near your bum! In addition, we're loading in a show that has everyone at their wit's end, my sister is being all sorts of drama (not news), and my mom is about to burst from stresses! Nothing seems to go right when you want it to, ya know?

Through all this, I sort of feel like the guy at the beginning of Garden State when everything's rushing around him and he's standing still. I feel as if I'm at the mercy of my environment, like I'm just being pushed to the next minute of life at someone else's pace. It's weird, though, because it's all serene-feeling, like I don't mind being pushed over here or there. I'm not quite sure what to do about it or even if I want to do something about it. I've realized at the [now] age of 25 that life is short and that caring wastes time. Caring about yourself is a waste of time. Care about somebody else, it's more gratifying and helpful to society and the other person (people).

Anyway, these things are all on my mind as I sit here all hyped up on the coedine and anti-biotics...completely out of my mind.

[kyle]

"This Is Your Life, Are You Who You Want To Be?"

There's been a recurring theme in my life over the last weeks, as there often is, that is rather simple, but complicated simultaneously. This paradox may or may not be familiar to you, although if you work in entertainment it's something we tend to ignore for the most part. So, what is this theme? "Are you living your life?"

You may think that a very basic concept, but most people with involved careers overlook this all the time. In my life, I'll find myself out at dinner or at a bar (not on business) and what's the topic? Work, gear, complaining, whining, bitching...after 10 years of this, I'm over it. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty much the worst offender of this, but it doesn't help that everyone else does it too. I'm all about sharing war stories, but as with most things there's a time and a place. It's so much harder to do this appropriately than you think. I don't know many who can differentiate when to steer conversation to and away from work, but I'm trying to teach myself that there's infinitely more to talk about than the thing that ties us all together.

Go out and live your lives, my friends, because I suppose the main moral of this premise is: "life's too short, live your life, it'll be gone soon..."

[kyle]

"...since ya looked at me..."

I can't even begin to tell you how long it's been since I've even thought about writing one of these. It's been a wild two weeks, my friends...

Holloween opened this morning with just a little help from me and that little (massive) project (undertaking) kept myself and a handful of other individuals quite pre-occupied. Of course it's not like we're working on any other shows right now either, right?

On top of that, my father had surgery last week which we thought would be the end. Thankfully, he pulled out way ahead of the game and is recovering at home (finally), but not without a whole week in the hospital. His health is going to be a little different the rest of his days, but he's still his old self. I'm very happy he's doing alright. It's made my mother kinda hysterical, but she panics sometimes when she loses control of too much. I love my mom, but "go with the flow" ain't her thing.

Kimberly and I celebrated our 25 years on this planet last Saturday with our friends and family in Kim's parent's backyard, it was very fun and I really appreciate their kindness in letting us use their backyard...it was great to see everyone too.

Unfortunately, while all of this was/is going on (and unfortunate isn't a horrible enough word to describe this) my dear friend Kristin Plummer lost her battle and went to heaven. She was such a wonderful person to me and everyone she met. She was always honest, always incredibly genuine, certainly talented, and a great wife and mother. Her two young girls and my friend Brian (her husband) will miss her so much along with anyone whoever had the joy of meeting her or working with her. She cared for her friends like we were her family and she was so happy even when her health was down and her hair was gone. Many things will be more empty without Kristin.

Kimberly's been very sick the last week (ever since we struck our little soiree) and she's finally lacking in fever, but unfortunately she's still coughing a TON and is so sick of being sick.

Oh, my friend Joshua Hutchings won his emmy for lighting on American Idol. I'm so very proud to know him and know his work.

Through the many things that have happened in the last two weeks a few things haven't changed: I'm so much more in love with Kimberly than two weeks ago (everyone can stop asking when we're gonna get married, I'll tell you later), I still am very dedicated to what I do and I love it very much, and my life is very amazing as always...

Keep it up, friends...it's who you are...

[kyle]

P.S. I'm thrilled as anything that HIMYM, The Big Band Theory, Community, The Office, and all the TV Season's have started...it's gonna be legen-, wait for it...

Oh, How They Move

Dear friend, it's been so long since we've spoken last. Some things have transpired since...

I received an award, thanks in ALL parts, to Matt Ferguson who's tenacity convinced enough people to submit forms for me to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. It's a milestone for my career at "the company" and it was very exciting to be able to stand next to Shawn and Tara (also receiving inductions). Some people said some very nice things about me...

...ANNND...Kimberly and I are looking for a little place to call our own. After three places, we've decided that we like them, but it's too soon to tell. We'll be filling out the loan application soon just to have one ready in the event that we fall in love with something.

Lastly on this brief update is that my dear friends have finally premiered an element in our 17 year old show at the resort. Congratulations to them!

[kyle]

Look At These Stars

Last night, my e-mail on my iPhone went off notifying me that my pre-order was ready to download...two days early! I hurriedly ran the iTunes app and was surprised to see that the album would actually download off the 3G. Of course, I am entirely biased as I can't tell you how long-awaited this album was for me personally. Their previous junior release of "Out of the Vein" was practically the soundtrack for my life when it was put on shelves in 2003. I have lived that album on and off since high school graduation and really appreciated the musical and lyrical values that were entwined in it. I had to wait six years for this, but it was incredibly well worth it.

Third Eye Blind's "Ursa Major" is mixture of the classic Third Eye Blind style that we all began loving in the late 1990's along with some new, (for lack of a better word) trendy styles reminiscent of Sufjan Stevens and Beirut. The pain in the lyrics of some of the songs like "Why Can't You Be?" which sounds like a man positively begging for understanding from an ex-girlfriend as she harshly informs him that she wishes he was a more consistent lover (like that of her shower head). It's a very Stephan Jenkins song that is amusing and morose.

Another song named "Water Landing" reads to me, in the first couple of lines, a lot like Ben Folds song "Landed" which I realize now I didn't put the two titles together until now, but the resolution in the words and the tone of the lyrics are quite similar, to me at least.

All in all, I don't think you'd be wrong to buy this CD. Don't judge this band off what you may see as a hiatus from the pop/rock market. They aren't making this music for you, they're making it for the universe and music for that purpose is in incredibly short supply lately. It is available for mass release tomorrow everywhere...iTunes at midnight.

[kyle]

P.S. Please also check out Roman Alexander and The Robbery which is another obscure find that I can credit to my always consistently musical friend Chad Stanner who has become their keyboardist. They play every Tuesday evening in Fullerton at Bourbon Street. Look them up!

Report Something Worth Listening To: Educate Me

I realized again, this evening, that my faith in the American public (on the whole) is shattered on a [week]daily basis. This is one of those things that makes me wish we were less of a free nation. The network news organizations (if you can stretch that term enough) have finally done exactly the opposite of what they set out to do: they now fail to report the news to the public.

When I turn on one of the major networks (ABC, CBS, FOX, NBC, etc), I expect to see local, national, and international happenings, but lately, I see news on what Perez Hilton is doing or what crap happened at the Teen Choice awards. I don't care about that stuff, it's better suited for TMZ.com (which also shouldn't be given a time-slot on television either, by the way). Those "news" organizations are for entertainment news, not for actual news. I want Fox to cancel their entire news for the day, and begin giving the government 30 minutes of un-interrupted (non-commercial) time for them to essentially read what pressing stuff that matters. You know, what the great Walter Cronkite did in the glory days of American news. Nowadays, the only "free" culture in the world that reports actual news and not 90% fluff pieces is the BBC...GOVERNMENT RUN NEWS.

If you know me at all, you know how opposed to government run anythings I normally am, so why the turn for the news? Because, we as a people have strayed so far from the path of actual news that I think the government's press offices would be better suited to give us a 30 minute broadcast of their making and the private news can stay on cable/satellite for the 24-hour-coverage of what new crazy person is MJ's children's parents. I don't care about that crap.

That's enough about all that, but what do you think (all three of you)?

[kyle]

Look What Wii Did

If you were a fly on my wall, you'd probably hear (at least once a week) that I think Kimberly is adorable when she's angry. I try not to provoke her, but it's inevitable that it happens (if you know me at all). Since she is (was supposed to be) gone this weekend, I was thinking about a particularly funny incident that happens some months ago that led me to know about a weird habit Kimberly has: she buys expensive crap when she's really mad.

I couldn't even tell you what on earth I had the nerve to piss her off about, but I was (as I usually am when we start these tiffs) at work engrossed in some computer screen or audio console when I said something (via text) completely and utterly insensitive and out-of-line. She abruptly (and for good, good reason) stopped text-ing me back and I "let" her soak in the silence for the rest of my shift. This is so common of me to think that I'm punishing her by not talking. Stupid me.

Upon my arrival at our lovely apartment at the time, I heard some really loud noise coming from the TV and emerged to find the two dwelling women playing Raymond's Raving Rabids for the Wii. Oh yes, she was so angry, and decided to show me, that she went out, spent her own money, and bought the most awesome gaming console of the decade. Ouch.

Of course, this entire story is true and it is written dripping with jest and sarcasm, but it is one of the little, tiny blessings-in-disguise of my wonderful Kimberly, that I love. She gets so pissed off sometimes that she spends money on something epic. I mean, there's thousands of things she could (and probably should) do to me, but she buys electronics.

Reason 421 that we're meant to be together: "I buy useless stuff all the times I'm not mad, she buys useless stuff only when she IS mad."

This story accompanied me to work today on my drive. It made me smile, but then made me look at the clock to realize that once I landed from being in the clouds, I was 33 minutes early for my shift. FML.

[kyle]

P.S. Kimberly surprised me today (not nearly an easy task) and came home early. She was waiting for me (as if to pounce) just outside my door to Audio Central. We watched the parade and she went home and I went back to reality.

Growing Up

There are those milestones in life that cause you to reflect. Who knew that 24 years and some change was what would cause a huge reflection. It may not be as much my age and time on this earth as much as it is a lot of major life events. I came to the conclusion recently that I may just be too old for some things now. It's getting to be about that time. I'm not going to go make any sort of Murtaugh list or anything as that has a tendency to limit my possibilities. But, I have evaluated that drama and personal issues that have arisen at work are not for work, they're not even for home. I'm almost 25, and being petty about "who's dating who" and "did you hear what happened to so-and-so?". These are not my issues to deal with. I don't care about your personal life while I'm at work. I mean, really do I? No, because it's none of my business and I don't want it to be.

Furthermore, Kimberly is my life, not yours. She belongs to her family and me and if you want to try to horn in on what's going on when it really is none of your business, I'm not going to be friendly to you. I'm not coddling her, I'm not being overly protective, I'm not controlling her. She is her own woman and I'm allowed to and want to be apart of it. Don't mess with it.

I'm also too old to be involved in whatever's going on in your life. Trust me, if I'm interested in what's going on with you, you'll know. I'd call, text, facebook, blog, comment or maybe just talk to you...point is, you'd know.

This is all really intense, I understand, but it's just getting old getting wrapped around someone's personal life that was not my business to begin with. The problem is that venting my frustrations about my previous choices (and their current consequences) here (to Brad, Kim, and whoever RSS'd this) isn't much at solving my issues with myself. I guess that I just needed a place to write down my resolve so that I can re-read it later and be reminded that getting too involved hurts you. Being involved itself isn't the harm, it's the trying to extend a helping hand to someone that shoves it hard enough to slap your own self in the face, that is the true danger. I'm over it.

[kyle]

"Truth" In Advertising

Let me keep this short and sweet: Even though I quit smoking over seven months ago (for the love of my life), it's really annoying to have to watch these ads by "truth". There are at least three things that I can think of literally off the top of my head that are not meant to be consumed by the human body that people use to feel better, and some of those items run positive ads for their products! Allow me now to review for you, the reader, what I think is ridiculous about this dichotomy that I'm going to call "truth in advertising".

1) Coffee

No BODY on the planet earth should ever consume this much caffeine ever! It's un-natural to keep the body awake against it's will, yet we all (yes, myself included by other means) are guilty of the "pleasure" of being able to command our bodies to stay up until the minute we allow ourselves the nap that we call "nighttime". Not only is this consumable the most common commodity of our generation, but it's celebrated amongst the artists, business class, and poets alike! People actually sit, pontificate, and discuss how bad certain things are in the world whilst they choke down that swill harvested [most likely] by some Columbian drug lord's 500th, illegitimate child.

2) Fast Food

The only thing fast about "fast food" is that it makes you large fast. No need to list the companies that should be (and sometimes are for other frivolous reasons) on trial for presenting this "gift" to America and the other countries of the world, because we all know that one "restaurant" of guiltiness that we frequent when we just don't have the time. The biggest problem that I have with fast food companies of the millennium, is that they have now ruined what used to be a moderate pleasure and have bastardized the good and quality with a "healthy" salad that comes in a plastic cup or a "cheeseburger" that's been processed as much as a Lady Gaga tune. We shouldn't be getting off our asses to give our money and our artery space to these jackass companies that have no other obligation than it's stockholders.

3) Cigarettes

One of the best-known "bad things" and we're trying to extinguish it like it's global warming. I know, I know "my [insert important relative here] died a horrid death from lung cancer and I just don't think anyone should smoke". Listen, I have a lot of sympathy for people who lost relatives from their stupid decisions, but that doesn't mean you should legislate to control other people's bad habits anymore than we should be dictating what people do sexually. Everyone keeps complaining that our law-makers are wasting OUR money by debating stupid "issues" and yet, we, as a people, actually want our representatives to try to make laws to make smoking in public illegal, smoking in private illegal, charging 300 dollars a pack to kill yourself slowly. Don't get me wrong, it is MOST definitely bad for you, but if you as an American want to kill yourself or get emphysema or get lung cancer...by all means, I'll support that.

Well, so much for keeping this short and sweet, but it is really annoying to see a "truth ad", paired with a McDonald's commercial, followed by a Starbucks ad. Stop it. Beyond being annoying and frustrating it's a huge waste of time and money. Truth people: give your money to the homeless and starving.

[kyle]

Perception

Life can be so much more than you think it is. Things can happen unexpectedly and change everything for you, much like the beat to a song you're enjoying. Song's change, but it doesn't mean it's always a bad thing. Sometimes you just have to relish the time you had with the beat you had since it really is what brought you to this point in the song. I'll tell you this, it's not time for us to stop dancing because the music got slow or went to a minor key. It's time for us to continue to move with the melody and enjoy the other people in the band! Now is the time to dance! Keep moving! Ignore the other crap going on, live today for today for the reasons you should be. Live for the finale! This is our one shot to be apart of this one time and it's only our fault or responsibility to make the most of it.

[kyle]

Greatest Hits: Number 4

I've been dying to tell everyone all about last weekend. Let me start with last Tuesday though when I received a very out of the blue text message with the best idea inside it: "can we have a date night this Friday?" To which I replied, "sure". Little did I know it was a date that would change my life. I made reservations via the OpenTable app for Marche Moderne (which I highly recommend) and dessert and drinks at Charlie Palmer. Reservations for destiny.

I had the most beautiful blonde staring at me, across my table, all to myself in this wonderful little french restaurant at South Coast Plaza. We had wine, sparkling water, and our appetizers on the table. These two hours of my life were the most fulfilling two hours I've ever had. I've never felt so more connected to someone in conversation or in life as I have to Kimberly. We had a night that reminded me that my dreams have become reality. Our conversation took us from religion to family to our childhood pre-occupations...we relived our meeting, our year of hardships, our choices (good and bad)...I learned her. I became more of a part of her life. She became more of mine, although I wasn't living much of one until I crossed paths with her.

Anyway, our main courses consisted of fantastic morsels that we devoured and celebrated. It was presented by the wait staff that informed us that the chef is married to the pastry chef. Poetic. We were treated like regulars there. I want to be a regular there. Our dessert and paired wine that we ordered was superb and equally celebrated. I think we'll go back to Charlie Palmer as well.

All in all, it was the night that has earmarked the future for us and will be a night we won't be forgetting anytime soon. Number 4 on my "Greatest Hits".

[kyle]

Three Small Words, 100 Million Little Things

There is no amount to end the hurt I will inflict on myself. Direct or indirectly, I do it to myself and those who love me. I've lived, but a whole 24 years to my credit and continually do I throw myself in the way of what is painful and horrible to our emotional health. I have finally started living...living enough that not only does the past not matter, I'm forgetting it. The future is not only healing the past, but erasing it! Exciting, isn't it?

I hate the English language for this reason. The words sting as they are re-read from my own "mouth" back at me and I am ashamed. English doesn't allow for change in meaning, inflection, gravity...it only allows you to repeat yourself. I've said words before, I either meant them or not, but the past is being erased as we speak by my incredibly bright BRIGHT future with her! I have no other words left to me by English! I have wasted not only myself, but my precious words. The tarnished, feeble few that are left at my disposal leave her disappointed and sad and leave me to hold my words in my sad hands silently because I can't seem to find words worthy enough of her. I will inevitably spend the rest of my days searching for something to do or say that isn't tarnished by someone not even an eighth worthy of what Kimberly is.

She is my everything, but that's not what I mean, I mean my MORE than everything...

She is my other half, but not only that, she's what MAKES me, me.

She is my best friend, but more than that, she is everything I love about myself.

She is my family, but I mean a word that doesn't exist, someone more than family.

It really, truly is a hundred, million little things that not only complete my life, but enhance it. She makes me thrive instead of live, absorb instead of breathe, overflow instead of fill...she's my everything and my all, my passion and my inspiration, my partner-in-crime and my confidant, my care-giver and my care-taker, my happiness and smile, my light and my warmth...she's more than I could ever be expected to describe in such little space. She fills more than a webpage, more than a book, more than any library in the world!

I hope that one day I can live up to being a 100 things to her and maybe make her feel like she's not only needed for my survival, but also that she's wanted.

I love you, Kimberly Ann Walker...more than I could ever tell you...I hope to always be trying to be worthy of your love.

[kyle]

Decades of Artistic Feelings

End of another month...I noticed today that it was almost the end of this decade. What do I have to show for the first decade of the millennium? Kimberly, a great career in which I'm respected, I feel that I am slowly getting closer to my family (thanks, in part, to Kimberly), and I feel like I'm earning my age of "almost 25"... Is there anything tangible? That's an interesting way to phrase a question about my progress. Granted, I am the one asking the question, but that is (quite obviously) beside the point. Tangible? That's like asking if every breath I've been granted in my life would've meant more had I been able to hold it to my face to ingest it. I think the things in my life that have meant more to me have been, poetically so, intangible. That's what makes it worth more...you have to imagine the physical value. I love that God made us this way, in that we have to rely on our knowledge of the world and what we can't grasp to understand and appreciate each other and our lives.

Past myself, I believe that God's still in charge, El Nino is on it's way, economic turmoil is still inevitable even WHEN the market steadies out...tomorrow will survive in tomorrow's existence and I'll still blog when I have something to say. I love to blog my thoughts, I love to be artistic and when I get the rare chance to actually be inspired at the right time to write something to the world of the wide-web. I aspire to be a better, more thriving author, photographer, and person but never really know exactly how I want to achieve it. I know that I will wake up tomorrow feeling artistically unfulfilled and wanting to shoot more pictures, write more blogs, listen to more music, and read more books. I have a yearning to do more with my senses and don't understand what to do about it.

[kyle]

1000 Julys

July marks the center of the year. Not just the center, but the milestone. July is a very special month to me for many reasons and I will always love fall months better than July, but July holds so much that I hold dear in it that to even mention it here would tarnish it's luster enough that it's not worth sharing, but I did want to mention here that I will be pretty happy next week when my beloved month of summer arrives. Just you wait...keep moving forward and you'll see it...

[kyle]

A Note About My Previous Blog: If you go to look at my last blog, I've made all of the spelling corrections that need to be made, but you'll also see a comment posted. I've leaving it up there as an example of "how NOT to win points or make arguments to people via comments". I don't give a frying rats ass what Rockstar does with their money, I don't care what the product does to me, I don't care who the hell invented it...it keeps me awake and tastes scrumptious. I love that the internet exists so that people can research and share...it also gives me something to laugh at.

That is all.

Brand Loyalty

The blog to end all blogs! My personal top 25 companies that I buy things from mostly because they've never failed me. I hope this exhaustive list is helpful to some and in honor of the ones who produce the products. My tribute to consumerism is now complete...well, I'm only 24...there's still time. These are in no particular order. I don't like one better than the other...they are all very important to me and very dear to my daily living. Enjoy!

25. Rockstar Energy Drink - particularly the Punched, 16 oz. although I'm also a fan of the orange can. I've tried every major energy drink and I've stuck on one for a while (used to incessantly drink Red Bull), and for now, I'm on the Rockstar wagon...mostly because it's a Pepsi Co. product.

24. Federal Express - I know it's a shipping company, but when the simple concept of your business is to deliver packages safely, efficiently, on-time, and cater to your customers you can focus on that task really well. FedEx (as they're now known due to the customers shortening their name for ease of explanation), has done a great job of making this "simple" task really smooth, easy, and enjoyable. I've never had a negative experience with FedEx, they've never let me down unlike their competitors. I almost never use UPS or USPS (ironic that they have such similar initials) because every time that I've been forced to use them, something bad has happened. Not always necessarily big, but still annoying to say the least.

23. Timbuk2 Messenger Bags - Handmade, borderline hippie produced messenger (and other) bags, these little beauties are made in "the city" for our pleasure and hard work! Messengers the world over have heard (by word of mouth, by the way) about these gems. The four bags I've owned have been the hardest working, best, durable messenger bags I've ever owned. Also the most comfortable. I will always recommend these bags to my peers and friends.

22. Rainbow Sandals - I was turned onto this southern California standard issue footwear by my junior high school pastor who was never caught without his super comfortable, really durable, guaranteed to last sandals. Everyone I've met that owns them, loves them. These sandals have never met a foot that they didn't like. Buy them...over and over again. The company's is San Clemente and if the strap breaks, they'll replace them...for free. Little known fact.

21. Pixar - This company is pretty self-explanatory on why I like them. Much like a well-behaved child and how you can tell the nature of the parents by their product, Pixar films speak eons about the fun and quality work ethic their employees have. Having toured the facility and met the owner-turned-boardmember, it's no surprise to me that they create and distribute nothing less than quality product and branding.

20. Sprint/Nextel - This communications company has failed me only one time, but my devotion to them was stronger than their hardware support failure. I've been with them for 4 years now and I will never drop my full contract with them as I'm a very happy customer. I will say that my only criticism is that their hardware selection has faltered over the years, but I hear they're on a comeback with this new Palm Pre thing I've been hear lots about.

19. Visa - Yes, it's very clear to me that this is credit card brand/type, but VISA is accepted in more places on the planet and is a very easy to use credit company. They progress their technology for fraud prevention, they will progressively drop your APR (if asked), they have better benefit programs...it's worth looking into.

18. Levi Strauss Co. - Never worn a better pair of jeans, they've been around for like 150 years...need I say more?

17. Crown International - This will make Brad think I'm sucking up since I know he reads this, but they work very closely with their users and provide top notch service on their products. They are always pouring over research and development and genuinely care about their people. Plus...apparently...my input matters to them. Not sure why. You can also ground a building with their MacroTechs and they'll still pass signal. ALL of their products are just as durable. ALL.

16. Western Digital - Best HDD on the planet. I will argue this forever. They also, at one point, had one of the best executives in the world working for them: Chuck Missler. Brilliant man who changed the way we store our information...look him up.

15. Pepsi Bottling Group - This devotion runs deep, and they keep proving themselves to me too. The latest: their CEO is a wonderful diligent, direct, and aggressive Indian woman named Indra Nooyi. In addition to her appointment, PBG caters to the small restaurant owner and loves the exposure they have worldwide. They led (lead) the world with the soda pop industry's move to the "healthier" side of the beverages by owning Sobe, Aquafina, Dole juices, Lipton, Ocean Spray, Tropicana and own the greatest chip maker in the world: Frito Lay.

14. Panasonic - I have NEVER been failed by their playback devices. I've boarderline abused their optical media players (that medium usually being the most delicate) and they are still kickin'. Their competition has not been so lucky with me. Short of the media itself, Sony's optical products (professional and consumer alike) have all failed me within a year of purchase. Panasonic makes quality televisions, DVD players, DAT players. Let's not forget the important stuff though, the most durable laptop to date: The Panasonic Toughbook.

13. AMX - most flexible physical controllers I've ever been exposed to. And, much like Crown, they deal with me and my colleagues in a most receptive way. I love their tenacity in their market always progressing towards future needs. The part I do love the most is the flexibility.

12. Energizer Industrial Batteries - There are Duracell Procell batteries which drop life at times, they are the Rayovac Pro batters which sometimes just don't work out of the box, then there is the best, most consistent alkaline on the planet: The Energizer Industrial battery. It's pretty simple, consistency is very key to my industry's use of wireless mics, ClearCom/Telex comunication, etc.

11. Benchmade Knives - I have three. Case & point.

10. NBC/Universal - Some might think it strange to count the bane of "the company's" existence in my list, but they are a quality of their own. Producing such television as Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, Saturday Night Live, The Office, Chuck, etc. They truly rule the night with their prime-time line-up and their lack of fear in what they air makes them one of the companies on my list.

9. Shure International - the leader in professional microphones in everything from wireless models to wired, public address system components, this manufacturer i son my list for making a durable, state of the art mic that you could literally hammer a nail with. They are a classic company that is known for making equipment to rock the world and make it heard.

8. Oakley - I have purchased 6 pairs of sunglasses from them, a thick jacket, a backpack, two belts, three pairs of tactical boots, and socks...I have never had more durable, better items to protect me and keep me warm. You should see their tests for lens shattering.

7. Homestarrunner.com - Good, clean humor that has made me laugh since 2002. Good swag too. I own several DVDs, a "Kick The Cheat" The Cheat, and several shirts as well. I love this cartoon.

6. Yamaha Commercial Audio - They provide 24 hour coast-to-coast technical support. I don't mean an automated system either, I mean an actual person on the other end of the phone. They've made their mistakes too, but they are the staple in live, digital audio consoles fit for the A1 that needs to do anything. As I've mentioned before flexibility for me is incredibly important, and with the vast variety of shows that I need to do (as the FOH engineer or Monitor engineer), the PM5D, 1D, M7CL, and O1V96 are all in my arsenal of tools for mixing live.

5. Rolling Stone Magazine - Molding and shaping the world we live in politically and musically, this classic magazine has provided the modern world with commentary, suggestion, review, and culture. It shapes the dreams of the young and perpetuates the reminiscence of the old. It crosses generations and pushes the envelope of social acceptance. They will always be on the cusp of what's new in culture, music, and movies.

4. Chevron - When I went on tour in 2007, we were sponsored by Chevron and just by natural exposure, I learned a lot about this oil company. And after using it in a number of vehicles, I really do think that Techron stuff actually serves a purpose! I truly believe that as far as gasoline is concerned, I can't name a better place to drop your money (that you have to drop anyway) at a Chevron. Also some of the best convenience stores in the country.

3. Apple Computer Inc. - If you were able to describe electronics as sexy, Apple's achieved it! The company that literally changed the world of personal computers (by inventing it) not only delivers the best personal devices in the world, but constantly upgrades the internal components on their devices even if it's not a major revision. Meaning that when they sell you a member of their family of devices, it's the top of the line that day. Apple has changed the way we communicate, the way we express, the way we listen, the way we look, the way we live...

2. Allen Bradley - The most reliable buttons and switches ever made. You've all seen them at one point since they are almost literally everywhere. For example: take a look at any amusement park's ride control panel. Disneyland or otherwise, you will see big, plastic lights, buttons, and switches. They are made by Allen Bradley. They also make physical switches, disconnects, emergency stop busses...you pretty much name it, they pretty much make it...and well. I've had these in dirt, water, mud, rain...and they continue to work through and through.

1. Columbia Records - Still a classic recording label promoting such "artists" as John Mayer, Bruce Springsteen, Dylan, Floyd, Beyonce, Motion City Soundtrack, and MercyMe. They promote their talent and only sign the best. I just really love that this label is still in business and thriving!

That's my comprehensive list. It took literally a week to write and compile the links. The links lead to either their website or my visual proof. Please enjoy, refer, and share as needed!

[kyle]

California Love

I was sitting in a small sushi place on the boulevard today when I noticed three people eating with radios in tow. Radios mean one thing out here...production jobs. Kinda cliche, but fun to notice every once in awhile. It's so nice to be out here on a Saturday, to see all the tourists photographing trash and the "sights", listening to bustle of people around H&H...it's a sort of poetic chaos out here. The charm of Hollywood is not lost on me, I still love it up here...the excitement, the glamour, even the noise. I think why I still love it, even after two years is because I'm not immersed in it. I love Orange County more. It's home. It's my life. It's our life. I don't know if I could leave it for somewhere like our neighbor just 40 short miles north.

Anyway, just weird thoughts on a weird day. I'm working on a blog to end all blogs right now. You'll love it when you see it and if you don't, your money back! Check out Twitter if you haven't already, it's a revolutionary way to express small thoughts.

[kyle]

Turn The Page...

I feel this chapter coming to an end. These nightshifts seemed to have taken their toll for this season and I feel a day shift or three coming on. This has by no means shortened my shifts, it just means they should appear at "regular people's hours"...or so we hope. It's times like these that require some introspection on my part. I just feel the need to look closer inside and figure out what I need to work on next. They're good starting points for personal, pet projects. "What don't I like about myself that I can work on currently?" It's not a bad question and shouldn't be viewed as self-deprecating. It should be viewed as self-improvement. This isn't narcissism or pride, it's a sort of internal personality maintenance that I think everyone should be doing from time to time if you plan on being a better person tomorrow.

Kind of along those lines is this thing that Mraz posted on his blog recently about the "Humanifesto"...pretty amazing stuff and an interesting concept to say the least. I feel that a lot of people are targeting different angles to the problems we're having and this is a (albeit atheistic) but productive vantage. They say that in basic, "Make eye contact with anyone you interact with. Smiling is optional but highly encouraged. Use the words 'Please' and 'Thank You' as often as you can. Seek out ways to improve the lives of others. This can be as small as carrying someones bag up a flight of stairs, or holding a door open." I'm not going to lie, it's a great place to start and a helluva lot better place than most people are starting in. Shoot, it's a START people!

Just a couple little thoughts on this extra long night brought to you by Honda...

Look closely. Live openly. Embrace today don't just seize it.

[kyle]

Adjusting The AF

"...I hurt myself today...to see if I still feel..."

There are times in life that you learn more about living than you do at other times. This week is one of those weeks. A recurring theme in my life has been that I don't really keep my mouth shut enough. That can carry on into my generic attitude, my outlook on the life-task at hand, etc. I can see so much of why I burn bridges. Kimberly pointed this out to me the other day on our way to dinner with her folks as I was explaining my distaste for something that happened to me last year. That's right, I'm still upset about something that happened at work a year ago. That should prove right there how much I'll allow things to fester.

Now, I can blame everyone else for my utter hatred of the "evil prospering" in the world and why God allows this to happen. Or...as is suggested, I can let it go as if it was the "whisp" of air that is most actually is. I don't really care about morons succeeding above me. I don't really care about being ignored. I don't really care about being treated poorly. I just care about doing a good job...at least that's what I should be caring about. I think it's time to re-focus myself; take a step back and reflect on the positive things that are happening to me.

I couldn't be more happy about the life that Kimberly and I have built from the ground up. I love what we share and how we share it. I love, even more, how we've cleaned our lives out of un-necessary issues and drama. Even all that "stuff" that collects throughout life, we're starting to get rid of. We started ripping our DVD's into our media server farm the other night and she's just kicking ass at it! We plan on selling our DVD's and making a little extra money off of it. It feels so good to have a help-mate who shares my goals and dreams. I love that she drives me to achieve! What a wonderful woman I've been entrusted with!

I could talk about her for hours, but I need to get back to work and to also finish up watching the WWDC keynote from last week. I'm super excited about the new OS and it's support of Exchange (finally!). Anyway...that's enough outta me!

[kyle]

To The Future Mrs Cole (Part 2)

I'm just excited to turn around in 20 years and say, "I'm still here with you because of you..."

[Kyle]
Sent from my AT&T Apple iPhone

In The Shadow Of The Moon

I've been a bit of a night owl the last few months. It definitely doesn't make for an easy life, I'll tell you that. I'm getting to that point where I hope that the end is near, where the 11:30 PM off time I used to have is "early", where I can get home and get to sleep all in the same day, where I can be with Kimberly...sigh...I love my job, but I also love my new home with Kimberly, cats, neighbors, et al. I do want to get on to enjoying it.

This being away all the time majorly sucks. I feel like a hidden community of some organism that moves only in the light of the risen moon and no one really knows it's there until they mis-function once and it disrupts the delicate balance of the "day people". Its not as if I feel under-appreciated, but I do feel disconnected. I feel like this isn't what I was supposed to be doing although it is what I'm supposed to be doing. The upside is that I've become the one that delivers and the downside is that my life is starting to show signs of severe suffering. I'm going to start getting that pasty-white skin that people who stay indoors too much get pretty soon, I can just feel it.

If anyone has advice on how to cope with these night shifts or if you happen to know that the end of these shifts is soon, please tell me...

[kyle]

If Every Morning Were Like This

It was the most poetic meeting I've ever had. Having just returned home from the long night's work, I was waiting for the elevator and when it arrived, decided I would wait for the next one just because I thought I should. Sure enough, as luck would have it, the doors opened and my beautiful girl was standing in front of me. Her face lit up as she saw me look up with relieved eyes. I was so glad that I got to hold her one minute before we parted again for the next bank of hours apart. As she held me, I began to drift to sleep because being in her arms is being home and comfortable. We leave each other, only with the memory of the chance meeting and the hope that 5 PM will come around quicker than it actually will.

[kyle]

I Would Walk 3400 Miles

We're pretty much all moved in now at our new place and we have a couple more days to clean the old place. As I think about our new home with new challenges and new horizons, I dare to say that I probably the luckiest guy in the world today. My wonderful love, Kimberly, is starting to mill about the apartment moving things from boxes to their resting place (most likely, not final) and arranging things preparing for life here. It's a gorgeous property, we learned today as we explored the entire thing finally. We discovered that there's a sports bar directly across the lake from the back walking entrance to the property. Which is ALSO next to a Flame Broiler (woot to that). There's so many places to take good photos too! I can't wait to take my camera out to shoot some pictures of the landscape of our new lives! It's an exciting place to be living at and I'm excited to share it with my best friend. I'm glad that she's decided I'm worth keeping around.

[kyle]

The Ugly Past

I wish the crappy past would quit creeping up on the present. It's
making life hard and reminds me of how lame I wad before Kimberly. I'm in the danger of my former self. The half-man that I was before her.
What do I do to qwell that past which dangers all future happiness?

[Kyle]

HTML: The Language of Drama

I really want life to go back to a time before Facebook and Myspace. As good as they can be, they're not worthy of the trouble that we allow them to be. People get fired, pissed off, I hear that they're breaking up in that place...the interweb was meant to be a land of possibilities, not porn and drama! Share information, write to the world or just yourself! People have abused this! I was talking today with an associate about how the first internet crime in the "modern age of the internet" was probably committed mere minutes after AOL was released to the masses. What are we doing here? Just who do we think we are?

I'm so sick of this place...

[kyle]

The Life And Times of Life and Time

Just me, the cats, and the list of reasons why a lazy Sunday is good thing. Today awoke with a short trip down to Ladera Ranch to cover Zim's church duties as the sound guy followed by a nap. After the glorious 1.5 hour nap, I went to pick Kimberly up for lunch and now I'm here contemplating whether or not it's nighttime yet. Along with the ever so deep "what time is it really" dilemma that is ongoing in my head, I've also been thinking about time wasted. What actually defines time as being truly "wasted"? Isn't it the whole act of doing whatever it is you're doing constitute as time spent, not wasted? It is a conundrum to say the least. For "time" in and of itself is a constant by which we base almost everything action on it sure can be a relative thing. Someone may say, "you're wasting time" while I might say, "I'm learning myself".

It's a weird thing, isn't it, life and time? The way it's constantly ticking against our relative selves...

Keep it going, for you and all humanity...my time is worth it.

[kyle]

Cling To The Best Part Of You Shamelessly

I've never really felt guilty going to work until recently. It's not because Kimberly makes me feel bad for going, it's because she feels badly when I go. I've also never felt what another person is feeling before Kimberly either. I really hurt when she hurts. I am really sad when she is sad. I feel so compelled to suffer or rejoice with her depending on what emotions she has. I don't quite know what to make of this newfound connection with another human, but I can only assume that it's what happens when two lives are making their way on to being one life. I can't wait to start the rest of my life with this woman that has been entrusted to me by God and her parents, but I know that time will only affirm the feeling I have that she is the woman I dreamed of when I was a child. The woman that I always knew was on her way and the more I thought about her, the more I knew she'd show up in the most unique manner.

Kimberly is un-doubtedly that woman. She makes me want to do things better, she makes my past irrelevant, and encourages me to look ahead to the future with her at my side. I told her tonight that I don't think she'll ever know how much I really love her and need her. I could tell her and show her every way that I can think of, but at least for me it'll never be enough and I'll always be wanting to do more, say more to let her know. If you asked her, Kimberly would tell you that I tell her that I love her just about every 5 seconds. That's not a large exaggeration on my part, either.

It gets harder and harder every single time that I leave her. I loathe to leave and I cling to her when she needs to leave me. Sucks, but also feels good to know that I need someone that needs me so much too.

I love you, Kimberly.

[kyle]

Starting Over

After a knee-jerk reaction on my part, I've thought it best to start over. Start a new blog out here in web-land where I don't need the reference to where I came from. I've already decided that I learned at that time, was for that time. What I have now is what I have now.

What I have now is Kimberly. She makes me happy, and even though I screw up time and time again, she's still there to keep me going. Don't get me wrong, I make her mad. A LOT! But, she's faithful, kind, and patient with me and doesn't ever stop the love. She's pretty much the most amazing woman that I've ever known. Life has never been the same since her. I can't tell you how thankful I am for her.

Here's to a new beginning (on the blog) with my love, Kimberly Ann Walker.

[kyle]